I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
