If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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