Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
