Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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