im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
