??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
