Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my being single is dangerous.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
