On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
