I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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