is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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