my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
