we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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