I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
