So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
