Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
