Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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