We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm at about main and main street
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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