If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize