I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
