I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
