you guys were way drunker than both of me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
