hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
