btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
