My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
