I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
