It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They took my balls.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
