kristin has been a bad kristin
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
