She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
