After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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