Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
