I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
