the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
