Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
