8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
