Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
