I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
