Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
