they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
