im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just cut my nipple shaving
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
