There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
