thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
