Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
