how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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