For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
