I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
