how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
