This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
