we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
