Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
