If i come over, it means nothing
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
high people should be assigned attendants
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
