I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
