there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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